5 Porta Loos and a Mythical Minister…

Posted on October 13, 2015 by ballitoboy

Day 08

Bape Camp (CKGR) to Mahurushele 04 (Khutse)

Distance : 85.9 km

Another beautiful Kalahari sunrise with not a breathe of wind was accompanied by a cacophony of birds chirping around the camp site. With another fairly long day of travel ahead of us we were all up early, dressed, packed and grabbing something to eat for breakfast. Santa on Safari had his daily cup of coffee percolating on the cooker and the aromatic smell drifted around the camp, whetting everyone’s appetite.

By now we were well accomplished at breaking camp and the team was working like a well oiled machine. Dietwin’s on-going camping education was bearing fruit as he had now progressed to the point where he had Sharpie rushing to keep up with him!

An hour or so into the journey we came up behind an extremely slow moving 5 tonne truck that was transporting a batch of porta-loos. We had to come to a stop as the truck had obviously been in trouble. We chatted to the driver and it turns out that they had had a puncture and were forced to dig a deep hole into the road in order to change the tyre. When we asked about the porta-loos – remember, we are now at least a days travel from the nearest reserve gate and even more from any sizable town and the average population density in the reserve is .0000000001 persons per square kilometre – the driver told us it was for “the Minister”.

Deeper questioning uncovered the fact that the minister was coming (at some indeterminate time) to talk to the people. Nonplussed, we tried to fathom this out. Hundreds of kilometres from any town, the truck driving away from the nearest gate to delivery portable toilets to some non-existent people. With a shrug and an “only in Africa” gesture we bade the driver and his cohorts goodbye, overtook them with some nifty bush driving and took off towards the southern border of the park some 80 km in the distance.

Roughly 20km later (which is about 2 hours of driving) we suddenly came upon a small herd of goats. This was followed by another herd and then a whole bunch of donkeys. (Not quite coincidently, the grass and lower leaves on the trees had disappeared…) We realised that we were passing through a “San” community and all of a sudden the whole portable toilet and Minister conundrum resolved itself in a flash of insight!

Solar powered water

Not too many San left in the area…

Sharpie checking out the local call girls

We passed through the community, waving at the residents (only about 20 odd of them) and we continued on our way.

As lunchtime drew closer we started looking for a tree that was more than the average 2m high. When we found one we didn’t even bother to pull off the road as we had not seen any traffic for several hours. In fact, aside from the Ministers Private Portable Toilet Convoy, we had not seen any traffic for days. Out came the table, cooler box with food and a couple of cold beers from the fridges in the back of the vehicles.

No sooner had we loaded up with sarmies and beer, when three vehicles appeared and came to a halt, blocked from going any further by our vehicles. John jumped into his vehicle and moved it off the road but Sharpie had his head buried in his vehicle’s bin so his was going nowhere. I watched the lead driver and his wife discussing the situation with some arm waving and head shaking. Before I could go over to them and start a discussion, the driver jammed is vehicle into gear, dragged on the steering and shot off the road and into the low bush alongside.

Fearing a Gauteng-like road rage incident I was making my way gingerly towards the vehicle when the door burst open and a beer carrying, hat wearing, shirtless male sprang out and charged over to me. As I was trying to come up with an appropriate apology a hand was suddenly thrust towards me – not a fist but a handshake, thankfully – and a “Howzit, my naam is Piet” was boomed in my direction.

Minutes later there was a lot of name swopping, back slapping and beer cheersing going on. The three couples had left Khutse (our destination for the next four days) that morning and they proceeded to give us some good advice regarding where the best place was for game viewing. John spent most of his time admiring the Land Cruiser camper van and Sharpie spent most of his time under the bonnet of another Ford. Mark and Dietwin proceeded to round up the three wives and then just stood there drooling…

Half an hour later and the three couples loaded themselves up and headed north in the direction from which we had come. A most welcome interlude in the middle of the Kalahari!

Several hours later and we had made it down to our camp site at Mahurushele Pan which is, while still technically in the CKGR, part of the Khutse Park. An sms on the satellite phone had us worrying that the “Boys” coming in from Gaberone might be late, or not even make it in that day, and only arrive the next morning. We set up camp and sat around, waiting in anticipation.

Not half an hour later there was the sound of a racing engine followed by a blaring horn. Around the corner, in a wash of dust, appeared the missing boys. The vehicle slammed to a halt and three bodies literally “poured” out of the bakkie. Cue lots of back slapping, welcomes and, naturally, a round of drinks!

Facts for the day:

Distance 85.9 km
Min Alt 852.660 meters
Max Alt 1215.640 meters
Max Speed 218.2 km/hour (not sure about your GPS here John?)
Avg Speed 14.2 km/hour

The Chain of Shame…

Posted on October 8, 2015 by ballitoboy

Day 07

Xade Camp 02 to Bape Camp, Central Kalahari GR

Distance : 146.8 km

146.8 km. At an average of 13km per hour. Makes for a loooong day!

Today’s drive reminded me of the preamble to an old ‘Biltong and Pot Roast’ joke…

Pointing to an exceptionally tall skinny guy in the corner, “Who is he?”

“The Kalahari Kid”

“Why do they call him that?”

“Because he’s miles and miles of f*** all…”

We were only supposed to drive 35 km to our next stop but, after a discussion the night before, decided to push further to reduce the amount of driving we would be doing the next day.

Driving these roads is an experience. By now the road had become very soft, the sand much like dunes at the coast but with grass and dry shrubs encroaching on the track. The road is dead straight for tens of kilometres at a time with gentle depressions and rises following one after the other. This gives the impression that one is constantly driving up hill. Each rise promises a valley and delivers another rise…

If it wasn’t for the GPS readings you would swear you had climbed thousands of metres rather than hanging around the 1000m elevation line.

The most exciting thing that happened the entire day was when Sharpie’s vehicle decided to get stuck in the soft sand. Low range, rocking back and forward only succeeded in burying down to his axles, with the trailer adding a little extra weight to ensure he was properly planted. Much excitement as we all jumped out and started taking pictures of this auspicious moment.

Cue inspection and decision – towing is the only answer. John worked his car around to the front of Sharpie’s, out came the snatch cable, connect one to the other and out he came. Cue additional pressure release on tyres…but not by much.

John the took (remarkably self contained) pleasure at wrapping the “chain of shame” around Sharpie’s bull bar…

Nothing else exciting for the next 5 hours with the only real break being the one for lunch. We followed the “street” signs – provided that they pointed the same way as the GPS..

… and eventually arrived at the Bape Camp site. We were hoping that no-one had booked it for the night and fortunately no-one had so we settled in. John then introduced us to the barking geckos – not that he ever found one, and nor did we despite his entreaty to us to please find him one. So, despite not seeing them we knew they were there as “chuck chuck chuck” of the geckos filled the small valley next to us.

Almost full moon

Our fearless driver

Bape Camp

Stats for the day:

Distance 146.8 km
Min Alt 924.340 meters
Max Alt 1076.140 meters
Max Speed 69.9 km/hour
Avg Speed 13.1 km/hour

“There Are No Elephant in the Kalahari…”

Posted on October 4, 2015 by ballitoboy

Day 06

Xade Camp 02, Central Kalahari GR

Distance : 38.7 km

I don’t know who amongst us said it, or where they read it, but the comment “There are no elephant in the Central Kalahari Game Reserve” was about to be abruptly disproved. Yes, we had seen elephant spoor, and fresh droppings, the previous day on our drive down to Xade from Piper Pan but the one thing we were not exactly expecting, were elephant…

The day started normally enough – the sun came up, we made breakfast and we were settling down to a quiet morning messing around the camp site Since we were having our first two night stop at Xade, a welcome day of rest was on the cards.

Firstly we had to take pictures of Sharpie showing off his (soon to be patented) “Boskak Toilet Roll Holder” of which he was immensely proud. “No more chasing toilet paper around the bush with your pants around your ankles, no more wind-blown bog roll streamers tantalising you while you’re incapacitated by your bowel movements” was his rallying call.

5 star luxury in the Kalahari

Fortunately he kept his pants on for the demonstration

Once the international photo shoot was complete (Dietwin’s Belgian camera was also pressed into service), we adjourned to our camp chairs where Sharpie was regaling us with a short 3 hour story, about someone whose name was about to become inconsequential, when Dietwin said, with more than a little surprise in his voice, “Elephant”.

The snorts of derision died very quickly as we looked up and saw an elephant about 50 m away from the camp. The element of surprise was completed when a second elephant loomed into sight, out from behind one the tents, not 30 m from us. All this without a single twig snapping, in what was bone dry bushveld, to alert us to their presence. I was, once again, amazed at how quietly these 5 tonne behemoths can move around in the bush.

A third elephant loomed into view to complete the group and while two of the elephant continued to walk around and past the camp, the closest elephant veered off towards us.

Not a sound from them as they arrived

What followed next was an intricate ballet of six moving parts – 5 humans and a 3m elephant – and four static objects – 2 cars, a trailer and a tent – that lasted about 3 minutes. The elephant alternated between mock charging us, kicking and throwing sand at the camp site, sniffing at the breeze, all the while moving ever closer. He circled the camp site on the periphery of the cars and tents while we matched his movements diametrically opposite but on the inner circle of the fixed objects.

On the outskirts of the camp

Closing in

Right in the camp

Eventually, after what seemed like 20 minutes – but was actually only 3 minutes – he moved off to join his companions that had continued their walk down a track that lead from our camp to the dry riverbed about 3 km away.

While the elephant walked away from us we discussed his actions and came to the conclusion that he must have smelt the water that we were carrying – we had 75 l of water in plastic 25 l jerry cans that we had placed in large burrows around the site to stop us stepping into them. Although the jerry cans were closed, the elephant must have smelt the water. As we congratulated ourselves on how we had not panicked and how interesting it was that the elephant had acted as he had, we noticed the that third elephant had stopped about 300m down the track, turned around and was heading back. All thoughts of self congratulation vanished as we watched him walking with purpose straight back towards us.

Heading back

Before we knew it he was back at our camp site and this time the mock charges were executed with a lot more menace. More sand was kicked up, his trunk used to gather huge clumps of grass and sand and flicked at us. The ballet resumed but this was no Disney’s Fantasia. This was an elephant who wanted something and was determined to get it!

Charging closer and closer

He circled ever closer and at one point moved right up to the two vehicles and attempted to get through a gap barely a metre wide. He constantly stopped and lifted his trunk to sample the air before coming at us once more with a mock charge. The intricate ballet continued, along with some absurdly inappropriate comedic moments – like when the elephant closed right up to Sharpie’s bakkie and Sharpie stood on the near side with both hands against the vehicle like he was going to prevent the elephant from pushing it over by counter-shoving from the opposite side!

5 tonnes vs 65 kg…

Get out of my way…

… I can smell the water …

… should I go around, over or through?

Just when we thought the circle and counter-circle had lead to an impasse – we were determined not to abandon camp but where were we going to run to anyway – we noticed that the other elephant had also turned and were now approaching the camp.

So, one elephant you can dodge, three elephant pose a completely different proposition!

It was at this point when I started to contemplate which of my fellow campers was going to be sacrificed for the greater good when the other two elephant veered off towards the main road back to Xade. Our camp site tormentor continued to circle us like the American Indians around the settlers wagons – or like the Zulu impi around the voortrekkers wagons to be more continentally appropriate. We continued to scamper around like geriatric ballroom dancers on prozac, dodging from vehicle to tent to vehicle.

Not a happy puppy !!!

Finally, after what was 15 minutes of counting ones future in minutes as opposed to years, the elephant suddenly turned and followed his mates. Within minutes the three elephant had disappeared completely and we were left in a numbed silence. A silence suddenly erupted into a cacophony of highly relieved voices that began dissecting the events that had just occurred. All of us had been very anxious over the eventual outcome – just google “elephants damaging vehicles” and take a look at the images of what can happen if its just not your day!

About two hours later we drove back to Xade, 12 km away, to see the waterhole there and to have another hot shower. When we got to the waterhole we saw ‘our’ elephant a kilometre up the road walking away from the waterhole. They had covered the distance from our camp, circled Xade, stopped for a drink at the waterhole and then continued onwards in just those two hours. Not bad for an animal that weighs over 5 tonnes!